you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My vagina just clenched in fear
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
