god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
