Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize