Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
