He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
