So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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