It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
