Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
