Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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