my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize