I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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