the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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