'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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