What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
