so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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