just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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