It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
