Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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