"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
