I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize