cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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