You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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