ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
