Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
