party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
