How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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