yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
