Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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