Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
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Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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