is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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