FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
