things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
