Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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