Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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