Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
