is your mom at the bar?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So squirting runs in the family.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
