i was rollin on her like bob the builder
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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