Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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