even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
