I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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