Soap is not a condiment
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Less talking, more tequila
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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