Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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