Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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