plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
