Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
