honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
