Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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