just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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