I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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