So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
