can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize