She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
