I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
