I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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