And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
