There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
