where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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