Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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