Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
