Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just forgot I was standing up.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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