I think my fart just growled at me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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