How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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