and next time when you feel me up, do it right
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
