Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
