I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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