Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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