so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
