He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
