she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
