Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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