Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
