You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
