I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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