You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
