ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
