Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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