If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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