I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
