he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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