At least make sure they are 18
Why
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
