I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
