I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
