If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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