My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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