i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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