my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
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I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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