Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
