if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have post one night stand depression
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