so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
