There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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