Rock
Scissors
Fuck
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
